a nostalgic serendipity:)

I found a letter today, from someone who was once my bestfriend... I saw it with different eyes, with different heart beats... We've changed so much over the past years, and even though we cant longer see in eachother, some words are hunting and eating inside, along with the huge remorses.

Sending him away was typical me- sending away everyone that came too close... and i bet i wasn't the only one in the world doing that, and i cant imagine how many souls have suffered like this, selfishly chasing away the good things in their lives...

in the letter he quoted this song and the lyrics hurt me so deeply, that i refused to ever listen to it.. but today, i finally did. here it is...



"And when the lights all went out
We watched our lives on the screen.
I hate the ending myself,
But it started with an alright scene.

You're just a sad song with nothing to say
About a life long wait for a hospital stay
And if you think that I'm wrong,
This never meant nothing to ya..."

I always knew i was a song, but not a sad one with nothing to say...
I always hated the endings myself, but i never realised that the begginings were good...
and i always knew that he was wrong, but it meant everything to me...
and yet he saw it and he quoted instead of saying it himself, he knew what was real and deap down i knew it too but wouldnt admit it.. well i officialy admit it now: i'm an empty song, because i chased away everything good that ever happened to me... but i started to appreciate the begginings after he was gone, and thanks to that i wont have to see an ending to what i have now...
and what he might have not seen in me, was that deep down, i knew he was always right. and every word meant everything to me, and every sentence was pushing me to live deeper...

he finished the letter with "i dont want you to reply.. i dont need your explanation.. it's your decision... a sweet kiss on your forehead, little girl.. i wish you'll be happy... i wish you'll fall inlove with someone and trully love him"

well, i did... i finally love someone without those 3000000 expectations that i'd carried around for years... and i'm happy, i'm finally happy! you were my friend in the darkest times, and even though it's a sad thing to forget a friend, i'll never forget all your caring and loving... you once said that you dont get it how i manage to love only weird, crazy people, and i reject the ones that really matter... well, i'll tell you something.. in almost 3 years since i left, my -album with the most important people in my life- had just 5 pictures, 5 real people, people that tought me how to live happier... and you're one of them:) i'm not a little girl anymore, aren't i?:) you'd be proud of me...