the only game in town

we're standing on the stairs. he's one stair higher than me, holding his back against the wall. we speak again. the same subject... he doesn't understand, why should we give up... i'm tired, i lay my head on my knees and i cry.
-i know only two persons that i can't tell when they cry- he says nostalgic..
-you're the second..- he continues.
-and still, you noticed...- i'm saying while i lift my head and wipe the tears away.
-i saw the tear falling.. you cry so quietly.-
we dont say anything anymore.
suddenly he screams -why?? why do i have to lose everything i've ever loved?? tell me, why?? why everything?...- he's tired, his breath has gone wild, his eyes sparkle of solitude... -why?... why am i losing another friend?-
i cry.
suddenly i hear him -please, don't cry!-
-i don't...-
i can't help thinking... is he too proud to accept the defeat? or is he just the loneliest man in the world, despite his big smile?...

If suffering would only make us better, stronger, cleaner... but there's no much hope for this anymore. they all scream "it hurts!" but how small and uncapable is the pain that you shout in the valleys of desperation, and how great is the pain that's ashame to even sigh! too bad we don't become more human after we've had our hearts broken.. too bad we become mean and immune to higher emotions...

-sometimes it doesn't hurt at all- he sais... -sometimes, i live everyday in total resignation... God is my only close friends and even with Him, i sometimes am lonely.. and those days, i don't live.. i simply exist, more thoughtless, more careless...-
-does your heart still sing?- i ask him...
-there are no songs in those days... and still, i feel fine... but there are those mornings when everything breaks inside of me, frightened by the pain of reality, and then i realise how much unhapiness there is in an empty man... that's how it feels now, only it's not morning,... it's the middle of the night...-

he can hear the threat of the uninhabited shore...-don't fade away... i can't let you go away with empty hands, with your fists clenched in life's instability...i can't let you go empty... i don't wanna be the one who's emptying you!-

now, his life means existence, and existence is pure death...

"and solitaire is the only game in town...

and every road that takes him, takes him down...

while life goes on around him everywhere

he's playing solitaire"...