alone again, naturally

i thought i was healed.. but yet there are so many empty spaces, so many voids waiting to be filled..

i'm doubting everything.. love, friendship, peace, dreams.. i'm a stranger in the coldest land..

and here i am.. alone again, naturally...



i found some letters, from my closest two friends... written many, many years ago... we were so ALIVE! so romantic, so eager to live every second at its highest intensity... i remembered our tears, and how lonesome we'd been without eachother...
we were found in a pool of desperation, we found eachother in misery, trying to survive the world's coldness, trying to believe in love, in friendship.. we LIVED for love and friendship... and when we felt we were about to lose it, we fought so much to stay alive...
i realise now that when we went apart, ... my heart died. and today it's the first time i'm admitting it..

because today,... i see how lonely i am... i cant care for anybody anymore, i cant believe that there are still wonderful people, and i cant fight to get them close... i cant believe in love, or at least i feel that im losing it...

i wanna be 18 again, when it was so easy to speak with your heart.. when you were not concerned of what people might think, when you were not afraid people might leave, when you just lived for love and love lived inside you...

for the first time in many years, i am sooo vulnerable... and for the first time in so many years i dont care anymore what people with ice cold hearts might think! because it's their fault i'm alone again! someone build me a time machine, a one-hour time machine, it's more than enough! just one hour in my sweet 18s, just one hour with my dearest friends, to tell them how sorry i am we've lost eachother... how sorry i am that our sweet 18s just lasted for 2 seconds.. the only memories i have of them are your sad, loving letters, and your smiles burried in my heart... i need a time machine to remember that we still have souls!



"The world is no longer a romantic place. Some of its people still are however, and therein lies the promise. Don't let the world win, Ally McBeal."